Tomorrow I am having two operations and a full anaesthetic. Whilst neither operation is life threatening, it is surgery I need done and will hopefully lead to a much better quality of life.
What has been on my mind though is how do I deal with this event coming up? To me, this is a big thing - I had to have a big injection of hormonal drugs a month ago from which I have had a lot of horrible side effects; I will go to the hospital and be put to sleep for an hour which is out of my comfort zone and I will likely be in pain afterwards. I have had a few days sick leave and my life is very much focused around this event.
But with many other events, I would share openly. Maybe a Facebook post or talking to people about it. I tell people about my travels and adventures. But why am I embarrassed or struggling to say I am having two operations which are gynaecological? Why do I feel some shame as I know this will improve my life significantly?
I read about the recent announcement that Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook and his wife are now expecting a baby and they had also suffered from several miscarriages and found this hard to share with their friends and network. This again got me thinking about what is considered normal to share and what we find hard to discuss. Today I had a great conversation with my friend Alex about the stigma of being made redundant or being fired from a job. Why when this happens to so many people do we struggle to talk about this? It would be so good to take out the shame or guilt of this and move onto supporting people.
I realised as I played with these thoughts that one thought kept coming to my mind - what was the point of me sharing I was having an operation and I felt worried? And the answer that came to me was that I didn't want to feel alone. That the positive reaction I hoped for from other people would make it easier to deal with. The reality is I am not alone and hoping for a certain reaction or behaviour from others will only lead to disappointment.
When I was struggling with depression, I struggled alone for a few months before I realised that the tool for me was to be open and honest and explain what was going on in my life - why I wasn't being so social at that point. This is what I needed and I reached out without any expectations. I just needed to communicate to my world that this was my dark time. This is the poster I have in my bedroom and I love the message.
So that is my thoughts for today....what is ok to share? why do we find it easier to post happy holiday photos than the bad things going on? what one person needs is so completely different to another so don't judge.
On a journey to live the best sparkling life possible. Brit living in Denmark, mum to two amazing little people, Navy girlfriend, jazz lover, exploring yoga, buddhism and living healthy.