I have been digging deep inside recently to try and answer the question around what is my passion, what could I do and what is my ideal life. For me the first step was working on myCore Desired Feelings. These feelings are how I want to live my life. But how do I then turn this into a way to earn money for example? How do I live my every day when some of these may actually be a little scary and out of my comfort zone? This is what I am work on next and I wanted to share with you my biggest belief and one of my favourite quotes and one I have printed out at home:
“When you are ready, guidance will come. Rely on the people who are in your life now; face your dark energies as honestly as you can; respect your boundaries and those of everyone around you. As you peel back each layer of the onion, the teacher who can lead you on will show up, almost miraculously matching the very moment when guidance is needed. - Deepak Chopra”
I have found that when I allow myself some space and stop rushing, I start noticing things and also allow the answers and the teachers into my life. Here are a few of the moments I have had just in the last week that have reinforced that belief and also shown me to keep asking myself that question - what is my passion and how can I make this a part of my lifestyle and also to make a living this way.
Where did the name come from?
These are just a few examples from the last week of teachers I am learning from. I could have mentioned my dog sitters who realised they loved dogs (this is their passion) and so they have a successful business now looking after small dogs in their home.
I will keep digging deep and find the way to Be Sophie as the wonderful author of the Happiness Project says in her 12 Commandments of Happiness.
This last week I have experience stress. I have noticed it in my body and my mood. I believe we all at some point experience stressful days or moments and I wanted to share what I have done this week to reduce the stress. As I am healing my body, it isn't only what I eat that is important but also what I do in terms of rest, good sleep and stress management which will enable me to keep healing and live a healthy life.
I talked to a great friend this week who is setting up a new business school (read more here) in Brighton in the UK and whilst this is his dream, he is also overwhelmed and stressed as he gets it read to open. What was great about our conversation is that we both agreed it was good to acknowledge these challenging emotions. This is what makes life real and also gives us more tools to be able to support others having gone through it ourselves.
So what did I do this week to make my stressful week into a calmer one?
At times, the Navy guy and I have communication challenges and this happens when we are apart. We are pretty amazing when together in person but this has been an area that has turned into a pain point when apart. We waste time going around in circles, we get frustrated, we say things we don't mean or maybe would not say if we were face to face. I know I have not been a perfect role model in positive communication some days.
So why have we had this challenge?
Firstly, we have two different native languages with his being Danish and mine being English. We speak English together and his English is pretty good but there are times when we miscommunicate and therefore also misunderstand each other. I found out recently that he thought that if he said something was "quite good" it meant it was a lot better than good - whereas it means it is less than good. So for the first three years of our relationship, he had used the word quite a lot and I always found this puzzling as to why he wasn't more excited or liked something more!
Secondly, we are apart a lot due to work commitments and being parents to three children between us. We rely a lot on using chat or sms to communicate when apart. We often have days where our communicate goes into a negative spiral which makes neither of us happy and the day is spent being miserable.
The positive thing is we both like to solve challenges and so this week we have spent time talking about our communication challenge and coming up with ideas on how to ensure we have more positive days than negative days.
So what did we come up with?
The 11th August is a key date for me and I wanted to share a couple of the things that have happened on this day over the last couple of years that have shaped my life today.
11th August 2012: I got the keys to my apartment. This is the first place I have bought on my own and importantly this apartment was the place where I created a new home after my divorce. I did the move from the place I was renting on my own - packing about 70 boxes, organising the removal men, cleaning the old apartment - and then moving in on the day of my ex husband's 40th birthday party so I also had to have the children to sleep over on the first night! I loved this place from day 1 but it did take time to make it feel like home. It is wonderful to sit here 3 years later and feel so at home here.
11th August 2013: The navy guy and I went Kia Camping. This was one of our more crazy ideas which turned into the most magical experience. At the time he was based on a naval base 5 hours drive from Copenhagen and had to be on his ship on Monday morning to leave for sea. We had planned to spend Sunday evening together before he left.
It ended up that we decided to have an adventure which included Kia Camping (which was camping in his Kia Picanto, which is one of the smallest cars on the market) and taking an all night road trip which would end up with me flying home from the other side of Denmark on the first flight Monday morning. We booked a flight for me, packed the car up with a duvet and some cushions and we kept driving until we felt too tired to drive. I remember us stopping at a service station around midnight and snuggling up in the back of the car for about 4 hours. Funny how both of us remember sleeping quite well that night. The magical thing about this evening was that it wasn't planned. It wasn't something we had discussed for hours and then had created expectations in our head. We trusted each other that this was going to be ok and off we went. The most important thing was to be together that evening.
11th August 2015: So far... a day at home together. At the moment I am healing from the operation last week and have been told by my doctor to rest. So this is what I am doing. Today has been exactly what I needed - a good long nap, a short trip to the supermarket where we played our favourite game of "look how much sugar is in food" and now we are cooking dinner together. It is calm and connected and we both have space whilst being together.
I am now focused on healing myself after the operation this week and this is involving rest and good food and listening to my body.
Over the last few years I have discovered how much food can be medicine as well as poison for my body. From being a sugar addict who didn't like cooking, I have discovered I now love making new dishes and trying new foods. My latest passion is avocado and this is great in salads or a raw chocolate cake.
After my body has been through the stress and trauma of an operation, I have made sure I have eaten good fats this week. What has been hard is getting good sleep as I was given steroids before the operation and these stopped me sleeping - I felt quite wired and restless.
My biggest feeling this week is a feeling of love. The hospital staff were lovely and also happy to talk english to me. I woke up to messages from friends and family and had my navy guy waiting for me to take me home. Being looked after this week has shown me how much I am loved and I have allowed myself to enjoy this feeling, like a big pile of squashy comfy cushions underneath me.
I feel relief and happiness that I am now on the road to healing and also a strong belief that I know what my body needs in order to do this. That is a very strong powerful feeling.
Tomorrow I am having two operations and a full anaesthetic. Whilst neither operation is life threatening, it is surgery I need done and will hopefully lead to a much better quality of life.
What has been on my mind though is how do I deal with this event coming up? To me, this is a big thing - I had to have a big injection of hormonal drugs a month ago from which I have had a lot of horrible side effects; I will go to the hospital and be put to sleep for an hour which is out of my comfort zone and I will likely be in pain afterwards. I have had a few days sick leave and my life is very much focused around this event.
But with many other events, I would share openly. Maybe a Facebook post or talking to people about it. I tell people about my travels and adventures. But why am I embarrassed or struggling to say I am having two operations which are gynaecological? Why do I feel some shame as I know this will improve my life significantly?
I read about the recent announcement that Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook and his wife are now expecting a baby and they had also suffered from several miscarriages and found this hard to share with their friends and network. This again got me thinking about what is considered normal to share and what we find hard to discuss. Today I had a great conversation with my friend Alex about the stigma of being made redundant or being fired from a job. Why when this happens to so many people do we struggle to talk about this? It would be so good to take out the shame or guilt of this and move onto supporting people.
I realised as I played with these thoughts that one thought kept coming to my mind - what was the point of me sharing I was having an operation and I felt worried? And the answer that came to me was that I didn't want to feel alone. That the positive reaction I hoped for from other people would make it easier to deal with. The reality is I am not alone and hoping for a certain reaction or behaviour from others will only lead to disappointment.
When I was struggling with depression, I struggled alone for a few months before I realised that the tool for me was to be open and honest and explain what was going on in my life - why I wasn't being so social at that point. This is what I needed and I reached out without any expectations. I just needed to communicate to my world that this was my dark time. This is the poster I have in my bedroom and I love the message.
So that is my thoughts for today....what is ok to share? why do we find it easier to post happy holiday photos than the bad things going on? what one person needs is so completely different to another so don't judge.
I took some time this summer to make changes in my life and also really listen to myself. I kept asking myself as I looked around at the world and as I met people "what was my thing?" - what am I here to do and more importantly what makes me happy. I have people in my life where it is so clear what they are here to do - this includes friends I have who are musicians, my boyfriend who is a naval officer (he was born to be on a warship) and others who are writers and coaches.
I realised I do have a talent and it comes from my passion. I like to connect; to share; to network. My happiest moments at work are when I am sharing information with others, developing training courses or when I can bring people together that otherwise wouldn't have met.
I started this blog as I had this deep inner feeling that I wanted to write and share but then the doubts crept in as I read other blogs and I questioned what I would write about. This isn't supposed to be an online diary. Yes I want to share my experiences as I hope they can help someone else learn from what I have been through but my bigger drive is to share all the resources I have in my tool kit.
This blog will be about me using my skills and passion as a connector to people and resources and I will use this platform to share them in different areas which I believe are key to living that wonderful sparkling life we will desire.
So over the next few weeks and months I will share what I have found out about health as I have focused on healing myself from having a leaky gut and depression and how I have stopped eating sugar, grains and dairy; I will share my journey into finding a new job and career and what resources I use to do this; who I follow on line and who inspires me; which websites I like and why; what tools I think are effective and also a whole load of fun things from travel to online shopping and having adventures.
I had a feeling of being off balance and not really living my full creative potential. I know this is a journey and now which road to start taking is a lot more clear.
For me, it was important to take time out and I did this over the summer. And now I know more clearly who I am and what I bring to the world.
On a journey to live the best sparkling life possible. Brit living in Denmark, mum to two amazing little people, Navy girlfriend, jazz lover, exploring yoga, buddhism and living healthy.